Honey, your March horoscope is here …

March 1, 2011 by

A smoldering Joan Crawford

Fate reigns supreme in film noir, but that doesn’t mean we don’t love us some zodiac fun. Hope your March is full of sexy lions, luscious lambs and lusty Irishmen. And happy birthday, Pisces and Aries! A special shout-out to Pisces sexpots Javier Bardem (March 1), Daniel Craig (March 2), Jean Harlow (March 3), Rachel Weisz (March 7), Sharon Stone (March 10), Glenn Close and Bruce Willis (March 19), Spike Lee (March 20) and Aries sirens Reese Witherspoon (March 22) and Joan Crawford (March 23) and Keira Knightley (March 26).

Capricorn (December 23-January 20): Is there anything more important than looking glamorous? Well, maybe world peace and curing cancer but no matter how many worthy causes we support it’s just as important to nourish the soul with beauty. And if you find beauty in jewelry, cash, clothes and shoes, then so be it. Keep in mind that in addition to your accomplishments, you will be remembered for how well you treat people so give the benefit of the doubt, tip generously and be the first to smile. The 8th is an ideal time to take a small risk. [Read more…]

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Honey, your February horoscope is here …

February 1, 2011 by

Kim Novak in "Vertigo"

Fate reigns supreme in film noir, but that doesn’t mean we don’t love us some zodiac fun. Hope your February is full of riches and romance. And happy birthday, Aquarius and Pisces! A special shout-out to Aquarians Clark Gable and John Ford (both Feb. 1), Lana Turner (Feb. 8), Jennifer Aniston (Feb. 11), Kim Novak (Feb. 13) and Pisces women Drew Barrymore (Feb. 22), Joan Bennett and Elizabeth Taylor (Feb. 27).

Capricorn (December 23-January 20): There is a Chinese proverb that says, “It’s as difficult to be rich without bragging as it is to be poor without complaining.” While bragging and complaining are equally unattractive, money means possibility, choices and freedom so don’t feel guilty for wanting an ample supply. Guilt (for any reason) saps your energy like a crack in your Limoges tea cup drains your ginseng peppermint. Treat yourself to a classic red mani-pedi (Revlon’s Frankly Scarlet, for instance, or MAC’s Asiatique) so you’ll look glam in Cupid’s honor. Be extra generous on the 12th.
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Aquarius (January 21-February 19): There is a project that calls for your expertise and you are well placed to provide direction. Lovely! But do not get roped into executing the nitty-gritty tactics, just because someone asks you nicely. On the social front, keep in mind the old saying: If you can’t be good, don’t get caught. And when was the last time you were good, 1997?. You may need Excel to track your suitors in the leadup to Valentine’s. If you’re in an exclusive relationship, a long romantic weekend may be in the cards. Pay special attention to details on the weekend of the 18th. [Read more…]
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Honey, your January horoscope is here …

January 1, 2011 by

Georgia May Jagger

Fate reigns supreme in film noir, but that doesn’t mean we don’t love us some zodiac fun. Hope your January is full of cozy fires, clean slates and copious joy. And happy birthday, Capricorn and Aquarius! A special shout-out to Caps Nicolas Cage (Jan. 7), Faye Dunaway and Larry Kasdan (both Jan. 14), Kate Moss (Jan. 16), Tippi Hedren (Jan. 19), Diane Lane (Jan. 22), Heather Graham (Jan. 29) and, sharing Jan. 30, Christian Bale and Gene Hackman.

Capricorn (December 23-January 20): Georgia May Jagger, daughter of Mick Jagger and Jerry Hall, born Jan. 12, seems the quintessential Cap – strong, sexy, grounded and funny. Not only is she the face of Chanel, she also endorses Rimmel London and Hudson Jeans. As she told Harper’s Bazaar recently: “I model jeans. You need a bum for those.” Rock on, GMJ, though somehow I don’t see pudgy in your gene pool. And check out the January Harper’s to catch up with drop-dead gorgeous Jerry. “I gave [my daughters, Lizzy and Georgia] all these films to watch,” she says. “Marlene Dietrich, Bette Davis, Barbara Stanwyck, and Mae West. Actually, they both shot with Karl Lagerfeld, and he was saying to them, ‘Okay, be Bette Davis in “The Letter.” ’ And they knew what to do!”

Speaking of Bette Davis, she once remarked that, “If everyone likes you, you’re doing your job wrong.” Bear this mind if any people-pleasing tendencies get in the way of your ambition. Enjoy being showered with attention and affection this month. You will have much to juggle so plan ahead and make the extra effort to attain balance. Ain’t nothing wrong with some downtime, don’t forget. What first appears to be a casual get-together may in fact be a date with destiny. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Noir Horoscopes

Honey, your horoscope is here …

December 1, 2010 by

Ava Gardner

Fate reigns supreme in film noir, but that doesn’t mean we don’t love us some zodiac fun. Hope your December is full of killer outfits, swank soirees and more expensive presents than you know what to do with. And happy birthday, Sagittarius and Capricorn! A special shout-out to Sag sirens Julianne Moore (Dec. 3), Kim Basinger (Dec. 8),  Julie Delpy (Dec. 21) and Vanessa Paradis (Dec. 22); and smoldering Caps, the late Ava Gardner (Dec. 24), Sienna Miller (Dec. 28) and Marianne Faithfull (Dec. 29).

Sagittarius (November 23-December 22): Work might be a source of irritation this month, especially if you have multiple birthday parties to grace with your presence. The next time you see your least-fave colleagues, imagine taking a cue from fellow Sag Keith Richards (Dec. 18) and telling them: “It’s great to see you all. It’s great to see anybody.” Of course only Keith himself really pulls this off, but at least you’ll be thinking of someone infinitely more amusing than the cube-farm folks. Don’t worry if you’re not best friends with your entire work gang. It’s better to be professional than popular. Besides you’ll need extra energy for life outside the office. Be rendezvous-ready at the drop of a hat; it might just start raining men.

Capricorn (December 23-January 20): Burning the candle at both ends looks likely. Another day, another party. To pace yourself, remember that you should always leave a party wanting one more drink. If the travel bug bites, start planning an exotic trip for next year. Doesn’t Sydney sound fun? Or somewhere closer and cozy. At work, you will find an elegant solution to an awkward problem. This month, toss your guy a few extra compliments; I have yet to meet the man who dislikes praise. If single, toss a new guy a compliment; I have yet to meet the man who dislikes praise. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Noir Horoscopes
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