Honey, your March horoscope is here …

A smoldering Joan Crawford

Fate reigns supreme in film noir, but that doesn’t mean we don’t love us some zodiac fun. Hope your March is full of sexy lions, luscious lambs and lusty Irishmen. And happy birthday, Pisces and Aries! A special shout-out to Pisces sexpots Javier Bardem (March 1), Daniel Craig (March 2), Jean Harlow (March 3), Rachel Weisz (March 7), Sharon Stone (March 10), Glenn Close and Bruce Willis (March 19), Spike Lee (March 20) and Aries sirens Reese Witherspoon (March 22) and Joan Crawford (March 23) and Keira Knightley (March 26).

Capricorn (December 23-January 20): Is there anything more important than looking glamorous? Well, maybe world peace and curing cancer but no matter how many worthy causes we support it’s just as important to nourish the soul with beauty. And if you find beauty in jewelry, cash, clothes and shoes, then so be it. Keep in mind that in addition to your accomplishments, you will be remembered for how well you treat people so give the benefit of the doubt, tip generously and be the first to smile. The 8th is an ideal time to take a small risk.

Aquarius (January 21-February 19): Don’t settle for second best in your love life. Remember that real men don’t love a million different women, they love one woman a million different ways. (It’s another story for women, of course, but it’s still a nice sentiment.) Trying to kick a bad habit? Realize that it may be one of the most difficult things you ever do. If it happens to be smoking, when you feel the urge to light up, aside from the health issues, know that with each puff, you are making a bunch of rich, old, fat white guys fatter and richer on your dime. Indulge your wild side on the 21st.

Pisces (February 20-March 20): The Chinese say a happy person needs no reason to be happy. You may decide to accept an apology this month. If so, be prepared to forgive and truly forget; letting resentment linger will damage the relationship. Be flexible with regard to travel – you may be surprised when a work trip takes on an ample element of pleasure. Go out of your way to do a friend a favor. Fake it till you make it on the 25th.

Aries (March 21-April 20): Joan Crawford is an Aries? Shocker! She’s one of Hollywood’s most enduring symbols of strength and, as one of the feistier signs in the zodiac, you can relate. Consider this Crawford quote, especially mid-month: “Love is fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.” And love who you are, Joan did. As she put it: “I love playing bitches. There’s a lot of bitch in every woman – a lot in every man.” Hey, it’s a nice job and somebody’s got to do it.

Taurus (April 21-May 21): “Boy friend should not be used instead of beau,” says Vogue’s Book of Etiquette, 1948. There is no ruling on boo 😉 in this chapter on word choice that explores “the whole range of subtle shading between grammar and usage, between the impeccable pedant … and the blithely incorrect moderns.” You have an innate ability to appreciate nuance; be patient with those who aren’t so blessed. Be extra sassy on the 17th, 30th and 31st (like that will be hard). Also find a few days to challenge yourself to enjoy the art of doing nothing. It’s quite lovely.

Gemini (May 22-June 21): A friend who typically favors older guys may need prodding to be open to the joys of younger men and, as an accomplished cougar, you may need to lead by example. Aaah, the sacrifices we make for friends. At work, you might find yourself swooping in to save your boss this month. Though he or she may appreciate this, don’t make a habit of saving every day unless you get extra credit or compensation. Never say never on the 17th.

Cancer (June 22-July 23): You may be privy to confidential information this month and be tempted to share it. Think carefully, though, before repeating because once the cat’s out of the bag, it will be demanding food and asking where the litter box is. At work, your unique combination of creativity, sensitivity and practicality wins you extra attention. Appreciate simple pleasures on the 10th; killer heels are just the ticket on the weekend of the 18th.

 Leo (July 24-August 23): According to one of the world’s most famous Leos, Jackie Kennedy Onassis, “There are two kinds of women: those who want power in the world and those who want power in bed.” Whether or not you agree, be ready to take charge this month, especially if you are embarking on an exciting adventure, such as a trip abroad. At the same time, try to approach things as a child would – you will learn more and feel more this way. Extend yourself to a neighbor on the 12th and don’t let pettiness get you down on the 22nd.

Virgo (August 24-September 23): A new development at work may not be to your liking. If speaking now or forever holding your peace are not appealing options, dust off your resume and start to circulate. But don’t think of it as job hunting. Think of it as personal research. True, you may find that there is nothing out there in which case you will likely find fresh gratitude and appreciation for what you have. On the other hand, knowledge is power and you might uncover a new opportunity that’s just right for your high standards and stellar talent. Flirt like crazy on the 9th, 19th and 29th. Oh, and then maybe a bit more on the 30th and 31st.

Libra (September 24-October 23): Your knack for defusing powder-keg situations comes in handy with a client or colleague the week of the 7th. Make a point of praising those who work for you and, while you’re at it, a dear friend could use a compliment (hell, make it a gush-fest) as well. Find a fun way to surprise your man – have you ever sent him flowers or left a little gift on his pillow? If you don’t have a Man Du Jour, put yourself out there consistently; nothing ventured, nothing gained. Enjoy your ingénue moment on the 24th.

Scorpio (October 24-November 22): Va-va voom hair for no particular reason? A sip of champagne just for the fun of it? Silly question. You don’t need a special occasion to indulge yourself. Besides, you may need a little distraction as you await the outcome of a decision; trust that it will work out for the best. With your guy or on a first date, don’t dwell on the minute details of your workday. You have so many other interests, after all, and much fodder for sparkling conversation. Be the bigger person the weekend of the 25th.

Sagittarius (November 23-December 22): A longtime debt to you is paid, about bloody time! Use the surplus to help underwrite a big plan you’ve been hatching. This plan could involve major life change (a move or a new career frontier perhaps) and that might mean making a big decision. A seemingly trivial conversation with a stranger midmonth may have deep significance. On the romantic front, things sizzle, then take a serious turn. Be extra gentle with yourself on the 31st.

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